Baby Blues

Dear Chase:

I am having my morning coffee when I came across this article on GOOP, a popular blog that I follow and this particular article talks about Postpartum Depression. A condition that 80% of women experience after having a child. It isn't something I fully understand or know how to deal with but I certainly did experience a mild form of that and many doctors would call what I had as the Baby Blues. This is confession time for me...this isn't the usual topic that I would talk about but it is something that happened and I would want you know and understand this someday. When I first had you, I thought the hardest part was over...the labor and giving birth part. Once that is over then it would be all better, I would be happy and I would feel the overwhelming sense of joy that I was told I would feel throughout my pregnancy. When I didn't feel that way the first day...then the 2nd...then the 3rd and by the end of the first week...I started to feel sad and guilty for not being as happy as everyone kept telling I should be. So, I started to think there was something wrong with me because there was certainly nothing wrong with you.....you were absolutely perfect in every way. I couldn't ask for anything more but at the same time, I couldn't bring myself to be happy and grateful for what I did have. Every time your father would leave the house to go to work, I would sit in my bed and cry while you were asleep. I did that for a few weeks before turning to my sister and my doctor for help.They both told me this is a very normal stage to go through and it would pass but how long....no one knew. Now, you were approaching your first month and I started to feel better. When you were around 3 months, we went to visit my parents in Las Vegas and with the support of our family ...those feelings of sadness seems to be further and further away. I found myself feeling joy and happiness again and loving the idea of being your mother. This is such an important issue and so many women around the world have to deal with this condition .... so I wanted to take the time to talk to you about it, and hopefully  you can understand and learn from it as I have.